Faith over Doubt.

So, a few weekends ago, we were in Las Vegas to support our team SLC Gold at the West Coast Classic Semi-finals. We were surrounded by a group of our close friends and had a little downtime to spare, so we decided to go to the pool. Now, as a reminder for those of you that live under a rock and haven’t seen what has been consuming our lives lately, we are in the middle of an IVF cycle, and I just so happened to have a call with my doctor later that night. So, we left the pool early and told our friends we would be back or meet up with them later after our call.

Welllll, after a 60-minute phone call with our doctor we learned that our IVF cycle failed due to chromosomal abnormalities and mapped out or next steps for a second attempt with an egg retrieval. It was extremely overwhelming, disappointing, and just made me feel deeply saddened by the path we are on. Needless to say, I didn’t feel like being social or seeing any friends, so we decided to stay in and grab some food at a diner in the lobby of the hotel.

As we were waiting to be seated, and Vegas being Vegas, a very unique and interesting man that was blinged out from head to toe approached us and told us he was a celebrity. He had a diamond necklace the size of my face that said “ICEMAN” on it. Well, Iceman had some horrendous timing because he stood in line with us and told us how beautiful of a couple we were and how we just needed to have one baby. “Just one” he kept saying. *fucking tell me about it, I kept thinking… Luckily, Justin took over and chatted with him and eventually he went away and I just stood in the background in disbelief of the horrible timing that came with his comment.

I felt angry that we had failed. I felt devastated that we are facing another egg retrieval, more medications, more shots, and another huge investment to start a family — something that comes SO easily to other people.

I know that he had no ill intent with that comment and had no clue what we are experiencing right now, and I’ll choose to take his words in the most sincere way possible. But, this silly conversation kind of did something for me. It made me realize that my thoughts, energy, and mood around this situation are a choice. I could probably find something negative to say about every little thing someone says to me right now, but why? How is that helping me? How is that going to change our reality and the path we are on? It’s absolutely not. Is it making it any better? Easier to handle? No. fucking. way.

So, I felt the feels for a few days. Threw some pity parties, cried ALOT and did some online shopping (some of the most comforting words through our IVF have been “Your Items Have Shipped”). I think that I had to experience those emotions and feelings in order to turn over a new leaf and decide it’s time to take control back and start to choose faith over doubt on a daily basis. I finally recorded a new episode of Be Unstoppable Radio with an update on our journey and the steps we are taking next.

Thank you all for the love and support. We have received SO many kind messages and so much love. We are incredibly grateful for all of you that are praying for us and following our crazy little journey to start a family!