Okay… feeling a little more vulnerable than usual today, so here we go.
Yesterday, I had my plan of care call with my FET (frozen embryo transfer) coordinator. I felt a little annoyed that this call was scheduled long before we had the results of the genetic testing. I feel very fragile, uncertain, and nervous as we wait for that news. (Side note— she said they haven’t even started on the genetic testing process 😣)
Aside from already being a little superstitious, thanks to hormones being fucked right now, I might be a little defensive as well. 🤷🏻♀️ I felt like it was too soon to be discussing my plan of care down to the transfer date and first pregnancy test date, without even knowing if we are in the clear yet and have viable embryos to transfer.
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking “Positive thinking, Cass!” I get it— butttttt also, last time crushed me so I’m staying a little guarded.
Anyways— in a more recent self-discovery, I’ve realized that 2021 has really changed me. In some ways for the good and some ways that don’t promote my happiness and well-being. I’ve been stuck in some negative thought patterns, insecurities, and major self-limiting beliefs.
In an effort to start to rewire my current “default settings” I’ve committed to a few new things. A big part of this change comes down to aligning my subconscious brain to my conscious brain. In short— making sure my beliefs, thoughts, and actions line up so there’s no real disconnect. (This is a very vague explanation)
After getting off of the phone with my nurse, I sat there and bitched about how frustrated I was. Thanks for listening, Justin 🤣😅
Shortly after the call, we happened to be near a gift shop… and I lovvveeee me some gift shops (guilty pleasure). I grabbed a few stickers for our yeti and checked out. As I walked out of the door, I passed a clothing rack that had some shirts, hoodies, and some kid’s stuff at the end. At the very end of the rack, there were a few baby onesies. I sat there and stared at them and realized that I needed to start aligning what I wanted and what I believed would happen for us. So I snagged one and checked out… but it doesn’t stop there. After I checked out and was headed out of the door again… I stopped and grabbed the last matching onesie and checked out again 😂 (third cc transaction and the guy was probably like get this crazy lady out of here!)
As I was at the register, checking out with the first onesie, I was proud of myself. I felt like I was making some progress on aligning my beliefs, thoughts, and actions. Then, suddenly (like it actually felt like it hit me like a ton of bricks), I realized I was only half committed. Here’s why— since I was a kid, I’ve always believed I would have twins. Those of you that are close to me know this— I’ve talked about it for years. So, I committed fully to my beliefs and purchased 2 matching onesies, for the twins I’ve always dreamed we would have.
I literally strut out of the gift shop with a giant smile on my face. Which is normal behavior for me after visiting a gift shop, but this time it was soooo different ♥️
Love y’all thanks for the support 😘
